Tag: Christianity

Every Day It’s as if I Play a Part

Posted in Black, Female, MormonTagged , , , , , , 1 Comment
Cover of "Mulan (Special Edition)"
Cover of Mulan (Special Edition)

Ok I think Im back. I took a mental vacation from the stress of the last school years of my life, and discovered a whole new well of stress based on having nothing to do and no idea what to do next. Oh well.

Song today: Christina Aguilera on the Mulan Soundtrack. I actually used this song to audition for a lead in choir back in good old high school. I was a bit too earnest and a bit too croaky, but I still love the movie and the song.

Ive been struggling a bit now with what I want the purpose of this blog to be. At first, I thought it should be a forum, soapbox, for me to help educate people on the different kinds of people in the LDS church, as well as maybe let people inside the same church understand how the culture we are propagating is hurting those who are making good faith efforts to stay active. Like this blog here. So I did that and then kind of ran out of things to say, plus I noticed that it didnt seem to resonate as well with people (you :)) as the posts that were just me explaining what my life was like everyday, less obviously weaving around the descriptors of my blog title. Ive also continued to read the stuff on the internet that attracts me, and wandered back to thinking I should take a more obvious stance. I read this post today and while some parts were not resonate with my reporting style – I thought is this more of what I should be doing from my position? Should I be advocating  a particular stance as a minority?

The other problem is what if Im not speaking to an audience that wants to listen and rather gain evidence for the negative aspects of the church? I have major issues with the LDS organization and Im trying my best to deal with them without making any fatal errors. My core beliefs have not changed, but I have not yet figured out how they interact with the day-to-day life of being an active mormon. I would love to have a forum to express my disenchantment and disappointment, but I do think the church does more good than harm, just I think it could do more if we were willing as a membership. I still rely on my relationship with God to get through this mortal toil, but I dont want it to come across as overly embittered and prevent someone searching from finding the good I do have.

I want to share the gifts I have, but I dont think I should be THE authority on being a minority or a woman or anything else, as I do believe in a plethora of experiences. Its the major reason why Im writing my blog – because I think my experience is one that is less readily available to the imaginations. Im hoping that, even without a soapbox, I can do myself, the God I love, and those interested a service. So Im back. And Ive been thinking a ton while Im out here in the Middle East being exposed to new ideas, new challenges, and contemplating my new future. So look forward to it.

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Today Was a Good Day

Posted in Black, MormonTagged , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
Manhattan New York Temple
Manhattan New York Temple (Photo credit: jerryfergusonphotography)

Todays letter is brought to you by Ice Cube.

This seems a fitting time (@robstroud) to talk about my conversion story, which is really my mom’s conversion story since she’s the reason my family is LDS. My mother is from NYC and in 1978 she didnt know much about the church except what everyone knew about the church – no blacks. In that time, missionaries did not go to predominantly Black areas – kinda like how we dont really preach to Muslims today – so she did not have much contact with the religion.

So Im going to tell you this story the way my mother tells this story. “So, I was eating lunch at Lincoln Center up on the green, because you know how I like to eat outside. And a voice came to me and said, D—, go across the street and ask those people why they dont like you.” Quick break – so you have to understand, my mother is not the most aggressive person and starting a conversation that way is definitely not something she would do. Shes more likely to wander around by herself than accost some innocent people in a random building. And back – “So I just ignored it. And the voice came again, Go across the street and ask those people why they dont like you. Now you have to understand, the “street” is Broadway and 7th Ave cross. Those are BIG streets! Its no small thing to get up and cross them. But the voice came again, so I got up and crossed the streets. At that time the Lincoln Center building was the only LDS building in NYC and it also was the mission home. So when I walked inside I was greeted by two senior missionaries and the woman said, ‘How can I help you?” And I said ‘Why don’t you people like me?’ She looked at me and carefully said, ‘Its not that we don’t like you, its just that we have a rule that Black men cannot hold the priesthood. But we like you just fine.'”

So my mother started going to church and she said everything she heard sounded and felt familiar, and people were friendly and she felt accepted, but she could not join the church while the ban was in place. She had felt like a second-class citizen most of her life, and would not join an organization where she was considered one. She decided to stop going at the end of May 1978. A few days later, her church friends called her to say that the prophet had announced just that morning that all worthy men were allowed to hold the priesthood and my mother was baptized into the church a month later.

She met and married my father, who was also became a member, but was never really active, moved to California and were I was born and raised LDS. I have been a member all my life. I never knew it was that weird until much later on, because going to church for 3 hours on Sunday and watching videos in the LA Temple Visitor’s Center waiting for my mom to do whatever they did in there was just how I grew up. Being LDS, Mormon, is just who I was.

This, of course, is just part of the story – the how I got here part. Some day soon Ill tell the why I stayed part. Feel free to share your story or ask any other questions. Ill be happy to answer the best I can.