Child – Black Mormon Female

Tracy Chapman – Woman’s Work.

I just found this tumblr feed today that expresses much of how I feel as single Mormon girl (minus all the drinking). Im getting older (two weeks til the Golden Birthday!) and my facebook feed has changed with me. There are two major themes – the single people traveling and the married people posting married people/children things. Apparently everyone is on their 2nd baby, at least, now and I just finished school. I think its why everyone thinks Im younger than my sisters.

Ive also noticed that many of these mothers are posting things defending motherhood. While Ive seen the random political soundbites, I did not realize motherhood needed defending; as a single Mormon it usually feels like me and my friends are under attack. Although no one ever asks me when Im getting married (is it because they too are worried that I cant?), I know my friends are tired of hearing about it. My mother is tired of having people tell her how many grand- and great-grandchildren they have. My mother could care less, at least right now, whether she gets any or not. She’s more excited about my MBA diploma that just arrived at her house and seeing pictures of me at the Dead Sea. I think shes done with the children she has. More would be a problem.

My single group is tired of being told not to have sex or be alone with members of the opposite sex. We get it! Touching is bad! We are tired of feeling there is no place for us in a church, where once youre done being a kid, you have to have them immediately in order to stay relevant in the structure that exists. We are tired of 19-22 year olds (returned missionary age) being more legitimate adults in some way because they are married and have kids. As a friend would say, Babies having babies.

At this point, Im not even focused on having children. Changing diapers and cleaning up throw up sounds terrible. Ive finally got traveler’s disease and I dont even want to clean up after my self!

I am super excited, however, about getting a dog when I move back to the States. Maybe ill post lots of pictures of him/her doing adorable things, like peeing on my wood floors, to compete with the baby pics. The single person’s annoyance.

I think what I am trying to say is: My loins are not my purpose.

I dont believe that the equivalency of the priesthood is motherhood. Motherhood = fatherhood. And not having kids doesnt make me less of a woman and Im pretty sure having them doesnt make you a better one either. I know enough people in therapy because of crazy parents to know making a kid doesnt give you special powers or goodness.

The truth is maybe I dont know what Im talking about. As far as I know, I have no kids, barely have nieces, no cousins really. Just babysitting experience. So I dont know what its like to be responsible for a child and raise it and be in awe of the first steps and first bath and etc.

What I have done is raise those fully grown children into functioning adults. Ive taught their sons how to do laundry and buy clothes that look good on them instead of detracting. Ive helped them ignore the impulse to run away from relationships, and get married, and figure out how to improve the qualities of their relationship. Ive helped them find jobs and prepare for interviews and talked them down from their fears of amounting to nothing. Ive done all this while serving those I meet, and giving away the money I have and providing for myself and preparing a career that Im excited about. Are these things less than the eggs that my uterus insists on preparing for each month?

I dont want to feel like Im at war with married people or mothers in particular. They seem like good folk. I just dont want to feel like Im a failure at some cosmic plan, because I havent found a partner to settle down and have children with. I want the contributions Im making to the world to be valued as well, because otherwise how am I supposed to feel about myself then? Who knows when Im having kids? Or getting married? I just believe developing myself and those around me, if not as important as MOTHERHOOD, at least utilizes the same skill sets (Ive done more dishes and cleaning up at my best friend’s house than Ive ever done at my own). But as we go into wedding season and people start announcing impending births, I hope you can remember the little single people in your life – perhaps check their Amazon wish lists for a nice rememberance gift. And single people – watch Sex and the City – the Baby Shower (apparently season 1, episode 10).

I dont have a baby! Everybody drink!

And another for good measure.

On motherhood… or not. (katiemarti.wordpress.com)

It may technically be cheating, since I already did a Beatles son, but its John Lennon by himself so Im counting it.

Today was my first day not hanging out with Americans. I agreed to teach English to the children of a professor and I was picked up for the two hour lesson. There were three children in the car in addition to the two adults, and the children were both fascinated by me and extremely shy. I was confused at first, I thought they were transporting me to the children I was tutoring. The father is a physics professor at one of the universities and his wife is an accountant for the government. I am tutoring the two oldest children, a girl and a boy. The girl is adorable and so so intelligent. The little boy is a bit young, and still scared of me, but we managed to exchange a few words before I put on the ABC song on youtube for him to watch over and over. They also fed me my first in-country mansaf – I posted what mansaf looks like on the last post. It is considered the only true Jordanian food, and I think its delicious. The wife had pre-prepared the mansaf because she worked during the week.

It was fascinating to be so far from home, and find the working arrangement that is so rare in the Mormon culture, and one that I probably hope to emulate. This woman, who is married to an exceptionally educated husband with three very smart kids, in this culture where most Americans assume there is no equality or opportunity for women, is very accomplished and making it work for her family. There are sacrifices to be made, of course, but people all around the world are doing it, even in Arabia, and something I wish others would consider, because I really feel there are benefits for our children. I grew up in a family where my mother worked, and although there were inconveniences, I learned many things about being fearless and supporting myself that I think has led to me to a point that I dream much bigger than I would have otherwise.

The wife drove me home after my lessons. I got the feeling she does not drive much, but on the way she said something that made an impact on me. She said she had a dream that someday her two oldest children, the ones I am tutoring, will speak English fluently. She told me the oldest child, the girl, wants to go to America someday. It made me think how lucky I am to have been born in a country, where I learned English growing up. How lucky I am to be an American – I never have to worry when I show up at a country’s borders, whether or not I will be allowed. There are so few places in the world, we are not allowed. The same will not be true for this little girl. Arabia is considered a place for terrorists, and the visas have been severely restricted for their travel to the states – unless you are very rich or have some other important value. Will this little girl ever have the opportunity to travel the world they way I have? I dont know. I hope so.

So this is my time in the Middle East so far. I am finding ways to interact with the culture in small ways, that mean a lot to me; so hopefully I wont leave here just having taken without giving back something.

Tag: Child

She’s Fighting a Battle with No One on Her Side

I think what I am trying to say is: My loins are not my purpose.

Imagine There’s No Countries

I think what I am trying to say is: My loins are not my purpose.

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